Remember back in the day, test day. You studied. You took notes. You burned through pages with your highlighter. You made notecards. You reviewed notecards. You studied in the library. You studied at home. You. Were. Ready.
I never really had test anxiety because I could control the prep time, I knew I was prepared, I knew I reviewed the material and inevitability I had control at the time of the test. I either knew the material or I didn't and it was up to me.
Today is test day for me, but in a different sort of way. I was diagnosed with severe anemia a few short months ago, but realized it had probably been with me for some time before. Side note, I think there are going to be a lot of additional diagnoses due to the delay in care from the pandemic.
Anyway - I tried iron pills for a month and those were awful. It was a mixed feeling of full and sick at the same time. I varied the time of day and the amount of food and all that good stuff for absorption. After a month, it was time to check in with the doctor. Not only did I fail that test, I decreased in performance. Yep! My CBC got worse during the time I was taking the iron pills.
Two iron infusions and six weeks later - I am back to test day. It's a slow-burn-uneasy feeling. I have no control over what the inner-workings of my body has done in the past six weeks. If you asked me two weeks ago, I would have said, 90% - feeling good, doing great, the infusions work. Over the collapse of the past week, I was say I'm at about a 50/50 split. Not convinced the infusions did anything. We shall soon find out.
A huge shoutout to people with chronic conditions. I empathize and understand what it must be like for you every single day. And I know we are in an age and culture of comparison, so of course, I will compare and say, yes, I understand, mine is nothing compared to what others have to deal with - but it's a lot to contend with all the same. That's why I just keep pushing through. The thing with chronic conditions, it is viewed as an invisible disease - with people frequently saying, you don't seem sick. Sometimes a little validation is the first step to a solution for a better quality-of-life.
Remember, you never know what someone is going through - offer a little grace.
Off to my test - sure hope I pass! :)